Identity Crisis
by DeathNoteLover235
Summary: When the love you want refuses to be with you. When the life you have feels like your lost in a sea with an ocean between you and who you should be its time to consider alternative ways to be happy. WARNING: might/ will have sexual content. Please review!
1. Undesired

"Ritsu! RITSU! You can't just walk away from me. You can't just ignore my feelings for you like the ads in a newspaper. I demand that you face me and stop running away as if you were a vampire fleeing from sunlight." Despite her pleas he continues to walk away. "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!" Her outburst makes him freeze in his tracks. "I know but I don't care because I love you." She's walks over to him, closing the small distance between them with a few strides and forcefully plus his arm. "Ritsu...please. Don't go. Don't leave me." She takes his hand in hers, trembling with emotion.

"Ann I love Takano. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry but I can't be with you." Onodera pulls his hand away, leaving her there all alone to watch him fade into the distance as it begins to rain. Streams of tears roll down her cheeks, unable to move, to think all she could do was cry in the rain. Onodera's words ring in her ears. A cruel reminder that she wasn't enough. That see was never enough. She hated that feeling but more importantly she hated being reminded of that feeling.

A little while later she finally snaps out of it, soaked to the bone as she makes her way home. Sulking into the elevator as she ascends the multiple floors to her apartment till she reaches her floor. Slamming the door closed behind herself and then locks it. She strips most of her dripping wet clothes and allows them to fall to the floor with a thick plop. Only leaving on a fancy set of crimson lingerie. _How could he! How could he just leave me like that. I love him and yet he left me all alone - IN THE RAIN! I was gonna tell him the truth but he wouldn't even bother to listen. Why wouldn't he listen...why._

She couldn't help but contemplate that maybe it was her fault. That maybe she was to blame. No matter her outwardly bubbly personality, she was never very happy. She was useless. Thanks to family money she never had a job. In fact she never needed to take care of herself. She was more helpless then a newborn and the worse part was she knew it. She skipped to her overly sized bathroom and stripped what was left of her clothing, running herself a bath.

She carefully gets into the pristine porcelain tub allowing the steamy, warm water to envelop her body and listens as the water droplets pelt the glass windows. She could hear thunderous booms from the distance coming closer and closer. Mother nature showings whose boss. She could not help but join the downpour with fresh streams of salty tears. Sometime between her broken sobs she slowly drifted off and began to sink into the large tub. Wordlessly crying for help as she dozed off into a dream world far better then the nightmare she was living.


	2. Open Wounds

_That was really foolish of me. Falling asleep in the tub. Luckily i woke up before I drowned to death. Lucky_. Ann tossed and turned in her kingsize bed, twisting the satin sheets around her slender body. After getting out of the tub, sulking to her bed and slumping onto the mattress, she was more than ready to sleep. Yet four hours, twenty-three minutes and eleven seconds later she was still awake. She would close her eyes until she became tired of having them shut and would open them over and over again. Every-time she closed her eyes she hoped that slumber would take her but the Sandman never came. She was left frustrated, alone, in the dark and unable to sleep. She was about to hear every acute sound with utmost clarity. Her pulse while blood rushed through her veins. The pounding of her heart and every creak in the house set her teeth on end. At about three in the morning she tired clutching onto a pillow, hoping to trick her brain into believing she. Wasn't alone but the sheets were cold and besides her the bed was empty. There was no chance she would get any sleep tonight."

"Ritsu...my Ritsu. I hope you change your mind." She heaves a heavy sigh, untangling her legs from the cerulean sheets. Slowly making her way to the bathroom, turning on the shower and hopping in when the water became warm enough. After she was satisfied, she got out and dried off. Walking up to the mirror and applying a clowns worth of make-up to hide the circles around her eyes. She had to keep her appearance deceiving. Dressing in the finest clothes, using the finest hair products and applying more of the finest beauty products. Carrying her basket of pills to the kitchen, flipping her expresso maker on and getting a glass of water. She took her numerous amount of medicines out and took her pill cocktail with a few sips of water. She had one for every occasion, except none of them helped or worked. They were suppose to take away the negative feelings and they did but they left her numb. She knew how to pretend to be happy, she knew how to hide her depression but she didn't know was how to feel when nothing was there. She put the basket of drugs away and came back to have a few cups of cappuccino.

She didn't have breakfast even if she was suppose to. She was all dressed up and ready to go but had no place to be. So she positioned herself in a comfy chair with one of the many books she had already read and read it again. She continued like this for a few hours until she became bored and restless._ I wonder what I should do. I don't have to work or clean. _

She took another shower and went to bed, hoping that this time, that this night she might actually get some, if any rest. She thrashed about, muttering and calling out for Ritsu. Finally getting some sleep but not restful or peaceful.

"oh...oh Ritsu...Ritsu love me. Please love me. Please!"

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**I may not update for awhile. I won't go into detail but my father is in the hospital. As always thank you for reading and please comment/ review. I know this seems a bit slow but its an important baseline for the story to come. **


	3. Hemorrhaging

_This is so pathetic Ann. He left you alone. In the rain. At night! I'm so scared to be alone to be rejected. Maybe I should have taken the stairs. Then again I don't want to miss him. I don't know if he works today. My heart pounds like a jackrabbit in my chest as I slowly make my way to his apartment door. Just when I was about to knock the door opens and Takano san leaves. I give him the evil eye and enter, bumping him in the process. I walk into the living room and see my adorable Ritsu. He doesn't have a shirt on and his cheeks are bright red. Oh that chest. Wait! WHAT WAS HE DOING WITH MY RITSU! Ugh. Some people have no manors. I mean doesn't that thing know he's mine._

"R-Ritsu...can we talk, please?" Onodera quickly puts on a shirt, blushing profusely. He's so cute!

"W-what is it Ann? If it's about last night I apologize." He's apologizing! That means I have a chance! Ann walks closer to him but just far away enough.

"No it's not. Even though that was very rude. I-it's about...us. Why don't you love me? Well...like I love you?" She can't help but begin to cry, her voice timid and weak. Onodera ushers her to the couch with a delicate hand on her back. "Why Ritsu? Why can't you love me!" She stands up quickly, stomping her foot. "I have money. I have enough money so you'd never have to work again. You'd never have to want for anything. I know you better then anyone. I understand you like no one else could. Yet you continue to parade around like that means nothing!" He sighs heavily and sits down, taking a sip of coffee. Desperate for the few extra seconds to think.

"Ann. I don't care about money. I work because I enjoy it, no matter how hard. And if you know me so well then what can't I live without? Where's my favorite place to eat? What's my favorite color? What's my middle name? Do you even know?" She stares at him blankly, as if his questions were outrageous.

"Well uhh you can't love without me. Your favor tea place to eat is with me. Your favorite color is green like me because of your eyes. Oh and your middle name is Torshiro! Of course I know those silly." He slowly shakes his head.

"No. None of those are correct. I cant love without books. My favorite place to eat is at home when Takano cooks my supper. My favorite color is purple and my middle name is Ichrio. You don't know. You're caught in a fantasy of who you think I am but I'm not. Takano knows me and loves me. You may love me but you don't know...not really."

"B-but you told me! You told me!" Ann rushes put of the apartment and dashes into the elevator. So overrun by her emotions that she continues to run, right until she flings herself into traffic. Just before a car was about to hit her a pair of strong arms save her.

"You should be more careful miss."_ H-he saved my life._

"W-who are you?" The mystery man chuckles softly.

"The person who just saved your life." _My hero!_

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**As always thank you for reading and please comment/ review.**


	4. First Aid

**Sorry AnimeBaconLover and NekoCandy4life for taking so long to write this, but I haven't been inspired. I thought it would be better to give you something good then trash off the top of my head. **

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_She jumped in front of that cab and I saved her. That was suppose to be my cab...But when I saw her I couldn't do it. So Im gonna keep her safe. She looks so familiar..._

He drags her down the busy and crowed street, further and further away from temptation. Sharply turning a corner to a less inhabited street, until the noise of traffic and pedestrians fade off into the distance. The man doesn't even notice that An has stop struggling, now following him obediently to the underground subway. Getting into one of the many packed cars. An stares at the lights as they wiz by in the dark tunnel until the train stops and he pulls off. Scurrying up, until they're out of the underground.

They continue to walk until they come to a apartment complex and after what seems to be dozens and dozens of blocks the mystery man stops at a apartment door of one of the many identical units. He shows her in and offers a seat which she accepts on the couch. Silence envelops the room, neither wishing to break the silence that has fallen like a gloomy overcast.

"Miss...miss are you alright? Here." _I don't know why but I feel inclined to help her. _"Relax okay. I'm not going to hurt you. My name Yuu Yanase and you are?" She glares at him momentarily, attempting to regain her composure, and after reestablishing her normally nonchalant facade does she respond.

"I am An Kohinata. I thank you for your hospitality but I really must go." _What did I just try to do!? What's wrong with me? Ritsu does-doesnt love me. I-I..I tired to - end it._ No matter how calm her face was her body was trembling and her mind was racing. Unknowingly she made her way to the door and Yuu stopped her, guiding her back to the couch, wrapping his arms around her firmly. He whispered sweet words to the trembling, suicidal stranger in his arms.

"Shhh don't worry, okay? Your safe here, with me. I've got...shhh." _She reminds me of myself. I was on that corner just about to walk in front of that cab, until I saw her. I can almost sense that we have much more in common then is being said. He loves another and no matter how hard I try or what I do he doesn't see me that way. I can see it in her eyes, the sadness and I recognize how hollow she is...like me._

An slowly relaxes in his arms until she's resting against him crying. He picks her up carrying her to his bedroom, laying down with her, making sure to hold her closely. As he soothed her, rubbing her back softly he realized that he was soothing himself as well. There was no sexual tension as they laid pressed together, only an odd sense of comfort that neither had experienced before. And they continued to lay like this until Ann's sobs transformed to soft snoring.

_He's so warm...maybe he...maybe he's the one for me_.

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**As always thank you for reading, please comment/ review. I appreciate it :)**


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